Confessions of an Ingrate

Do you want to be happy? According to self-proclaimed positive psychologists: Fill your life with gratitude.

I am finding this current focus on gratitude to be, well, rather grating. We are told if we want to be happy that we should reflect upon 3 things we are grateful for before we go to sleep. One thing that makes me happy is not doing some happiness exercise prescribed by a self-proclaimed guru of gratitude.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of good in my life but many nights I just want to lay my head on the pillow and before falling asleep shout, “F*CK YOU VIRUS!”

Gratefulness is pathetic when you make a public declaration in a social media post by taking a picture of your neighbour’s golden retriever and express deep gratitude for the color it brought to your dim day when the neighbour changed the bandana wrapped around the dog’s neck from red to blue. And must you adorn your social media declaration of gratitude post like a Christmas tree with gratitude  #gratitude #Iamsograteful #youshouldbegratefultoo #gratefulforhappiness #gratefulforlife #gratitudeisforthedogs

I hear your neurons firing in rebuttal. You think if Joe Exotic had gone to bed each night reciting his gratitude for the fine work of Carol Baskin’s Big Cat rescue he might not be in jail. But would he be happy? Really? As the accompanying picture for this post proves I know something about this issue as I have a head for tigers.

Yesterday, I was grateful to have a grater to grate the mozzarella cheese for my pizza. I don’t need any of those cheesy happy docs to tell me to get with gratitude. And those docs are PhDs, not real doctors like the type of doctor flight attendants yell for when there is a medical emergency.

I supposed you’re thinking, “that David is an ungrateful son of a b….” But sometimes, gratitude is like putting fresh and delicious chocolate icing on a cake that is 3 weeks old. Even if you can choke down the stale cake it leaves a crummy taste in your mouth.

I am worried about being perceived as a curmudgeon as opposed to the well-balanced person that I am. I have proof that I am mentally healthy as I was born on September 24th — so that makes me a well-balanced Libra! #balancedlikealibra #davidisnotacrumudgeon #donotreadthispostifyouwantinstanthappiness.

I’m grateful you read to the end, now back away from the computer and go do something useful with your life rather than basking in the glow of your personal gyrations of gratitude.

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